Giving Birth Is the Coolest Thing You’ll Ever Do

Hello friends! I made it to the other side!! This week, I’m sharing some of my first reflections from the other side of giving birth - and why I now fully believe it’s one of the coolest things you’ll ever do.

Before delivery, I expected to be scared out of my mind (thank you, Hollywood). What actually happened surprised me in the best way. I’m talking through what contractions really felt like, what I wish I understood beforehand, and what these first few weeks postpartum have actually felt like - emotionally, mentally, and day-to-day.

Plus, I get into a few hotline questions about these first few weeks in new-mom mode. 

Next week: Peter joins me and we finally record the full birth story! 

Website: hanaostapchuk.com

Instagram: @hanaostapchuk

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Transcript

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Hello everyone, welcome into Hey Hanna. Oh my goodness, I'm thrilled that I'm actually recording you guys. I sort of put this off and truly unintentionally. Even last week, I was like, oh, I'm gonna record podcasts this week. Lo and behold, breastfeeding is a full-time job. And I actually tried to record earlier in the week while I was breastfeeding, and you know, there's just some noises in the background that I don't think anyone needs to hear. My child is not quiet when they're nursing. But, anyways, I I'm so happy to just be chatting with you guys again. I cannot believe I'm on the other side. Holy heck! I mean, last time I talked to you guys, I talked to myself, whatever this is. Last time I recorded, I was fearful. I was like, uh, am I gonna do this? Can I do this? Can I give birth? And um we did it, guys. Holy smokes. I actually can't even remember most of what happened. And I've said this before, but the minute I got pregnant, I started listening to every podcast and the history of the world that had been recorded about pregnancy, about first trimester, second, third, fourth, all of it. And everyone always joked, like, gotta tell my birth story before I forget it. And I was always like, Well, how could you forget that? I don't understand. Like, how could you forget the most meaningful thing that's ever gonna happen to you? And now here I am, three weeks, almost four weeks postpartum. I'm like three and a half on the dot. I'm like, wait a minute, I gotta get Peter in here soon so we can record because we don't remember much. I actually said to him yesterday, I was like, hey, next week, can we record together? And he's like, Yeah, how can how are we supposed to remember what happened? Like, I know, I feel the same way. It is hard to remember, but we're gonna do it. So just so you know, if you're here, if you're coming here for like a full birth story, I don't have that for you just yet. Peter will join me next week and we are gonna break down every detail of what went down. It's actually funny when I recorded with Peter talking about, okay, this is, you know, the last week or so of pregnancy, it actually ended up being the last normal day because I went into very early labor, like the next day. We had a few false alarms. I went to the hospital, I came back. It was like a whole thing. But we'll get into the weeds of all of that. I just wanted to come on and say hello and just do a quick catch up and talk about some things from the past few weeks. The first thing I'm gonna say is that oh my gosh, I thought that giving birth would be the scariest thing ever. I don't know why. I think we need to have a talk with like all of Hollywood and ask them to sort of redesign how they illustrate giving birth because I was always really fearful of it based on how I'd seen it recorded in cinema my whole life. I mean, is that a silly thing to say? You watch any movie of a woman giving birth and they are like screaming, dying in pain. Like everyone's having the worst time. And granted, it wasn't the most, um, how should I say this? It wasn't the most painless experience. And it wasn't like every part of it was delightful, not at all. But I just want to say this because I feel like so many women go into it and they're like, what do I expect? Like, what does it feel like? Da-da-da-da-da. I'm here to say that giving birth is the coolest freaking thing you'll ever do. And I stand by that. That's the one thing I want to say. Actually, I have to give credit where credit is due because my friend Ashley, my very dear friend, who gave birth in January, told me that exact same thing before I went to the hospital. She was like, just remember, it's the coolest thing you're ever gonna do. And so I'm here to preach that because so many women go into it fearful, and so many women go into it being like, what do I expect? What a contraction's gonna feel like, the whole thing. But the funny part is that everybody says, Oh, you'll know when you're having contractions. Well, that was my problem. I went to the hospital three times. And I'll explain this. But I and I was having contractions, but everyone was like, Oh, you'll know when it's time to give birth. Like you have to sort of go home and labor at home, and then you'll know when it's time. And I was like, What? How in the heck am I supposed to really know? So the other thing I want to say is that if you're if you're like what a contractions feel like, they actually just feel like, how did I describe this? Oh, a Charlie horse. It feels like an internal Charlie horse, basically coming from your uterus, coming from the insides, coming from the depths of your stomach. And then the Charlie horse worsens, like progressively worsens. I think the doctor said to me at one point, she was like, come back to the hospital when you feel like you can't even breathe through the contractions. And I was like, Oh, cool, cool, cool. Thanks so much. Really looking forward to that one. Awesome. So yeah, I was terrified. I felt like there was this huge unknown tunnel that I was about to walk through. And I didn't know, A, if she was gonna be safe, B, if I was gonna be safe, and C, just on like overall quality of life would go for the next however many hours you're in there, right? But yeah, it's sort of this blur of a time and your body just takes over. And that's when I talk about how it's like the coolest thing you'll ever do. People talk about how painful it is and da-da-da-da-da. That part is the least memorable part, you know? Like the contractions are are bloody awful. Like they're just not fun. But you don't even care when it's over. I actually said to Peter, like before I gave birth, I was like, you know, when we're sitting at the house and I'm contracting all night and I'm like trying to labor at home. I said to him, I think we'll just have one child, you know? I think we'll be an only child family, one and done, and that's it. And he was like, okay. And then I gave birth. And afterwards, I was like, okay, I want 20. That was like the coolest thing ever. I want to have 20 babies. I want to be like the woman who lives in the shoe and has so many kids, she doesn't know what to do, or whatever the heck that stupid nursery rhyme is. But now that I'm in postpartum life, I'm three weeks deep, three and a half weeks deep. I don't know if I want to be the old woman who lives in a shoe anymore. Another thing I've been saying is that I think that postpartum should come with a stronger disclaimer. It's a wild ride. Everyone says that it's a wild ride. Everybody says postpartum is crazy. I almost didn't listen or like didn't care because I just thought, well, the baby's here, the baby's here, so who cares? Mentally, emotionally, like, whoa. You really just go full up, down, up, down all day long. And I'm still in that, not as deeply as I was in the first couple of weeks. Just to briefly explain that. I mean, we went to Target a few days after the baby was born. I think it was like a week after. We went because she was so small, she wasn't fitting into any of the clothes we had. We had to buy premi clothes. And I had a freaking meltdown in Target. Like we were with the baby. I had her like covered in a stroller and everything. I was so paranoid. I mean, somebody like coughed across the Target. I heard it and I started crying. I was like, we have to get her out of here. This is like germ central station. I can't have anyone looking at her, breathing on her, just even facing her direction. Icky, icky stuff. Like, why am I here? Get me out of here. The music was really loud. I think I cried to Peter saying that the music was loud and I heard a cough a mile away. We gotta go. And he understood. He was like, okay, fine. But yeah, that was just that's just level one postpartum stuff, you know? The no sleep game is another wild time. I say this actually as our baby Andy is sleeping right in front of me, and I'm I'm speaking at such a normal volume. I really hope she's in a deep enough sleep. So if I cut off, that's why. But yeah, the postpartum game is, like I said, a wild ride. I had no idea how intense my feelings would be. It sounds absurd. I am not traditionally an emotional person. Like I don't get really sappy or cry a lot. I I feel like my emotions have been considerably regulated. I I don't even know how I'm explaining this, but you know what I mean. I've never been like super sensitive to anything in particular. Whereas in postpartum life, something will hit you sideways in the back of the neck and you suddenly are crying. I have no rhyme or reason to it. I cannot explain it. And it's not everyday cries, but like when I do cry, I'm like, what is this? Like, what am I emotional over? One of the things that I've particularly experienced that I've struggled with since having the baby is I realized on TikTok they call it sundown scaries. Oh my Lanta. I I've had this before in my life. Like, you know, when you're having a really good day and the sun is setting and suddenly you're like, wait, I don't want the sun to set. I I can't have the day end. This makes me really sad. Like, I want the day to continue because everything is so great right now. It's like that times 10. And then every day I've been feeling that. I didn't even know it was called the Sundown Scaries. And again, it's something I've experienced only when I have like a really great summer day and you're just like outside and you know, you're barbecuing and like life is great, and you're like, wait, I don't want the day to end. Now it could be any day. And I'm like, oh my gosh, wait, the day is ending. Even sometimes when Peter just says goodnight and I'm like still nursing, I'm like, no, the day is ending. Like I get so sad. And I think it's partially because I know that I'm about to embark on a night of the unknowns. I don't know how many times I'm getting up. I don't know how long I'm gonna be awake for. And I don't know if I'm gonna become fearful that everything is going okay in the middle of the night, because that's another thing, if like she's safe or not. There's also an endless amount of doom scrolling in the middle of the night. Like I'm awake and I'm nursing and I need to stay awake. So I'm just like scrolling my phone. And I actually just gave a rule to myself. I am not scrolling on the internet at all in the middle of the night. Like if it is past midnight and before 6 a.m. or 7 a.m., new rule: I am not scrolling on the internet. Like no TikTok, no Instagram, because for some reason it just triggers my anxiety even more. And I don't even know what I'm anxious over. I can't even tell you that. I just feel like scrolling the internet at that time makes me feel like I'm not good enough. What I'm doing as a mom isn't good enough. I'm stupid, I'm ugly, my baby isn't progressing. And also, is my baby sleeping okay? I don't know. Any weird thought I've had of like a tiny fear, if it's like even crossed my mind, for some reason I see a video on Instagram of someone experiencing that in a negative way. And then suddenly I'm zero to 60 and I'm thinking of the worst possible scenario. You know what I mean? I don't know if I'm speaking to anyone here with that logic, but like the roller coaster is so real. So what do I do in the middle of the night? I watch reality TV. Just me, my baby, and the sweet sounds of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I have caught up on all of it. I didn't realize I was two seasons behind. Oh my God, they really pushed those seasons out. I could talk about Secret Lives of Mormon Wives until I'm blue in the face, but I won't do that to you guys because I know I'm really behind. By the way, I like entered the hospital when all of that Taylor Frankie Paul stuff happened. And then I left the hospital during a blizzard, by the way. Left the hospital and saw that like all of the domestic abuse allegations were out and whatever. And I couldn't talk about anything else. People were like, how was your delivery? I was like, hold on. Taylor Frankie Paul's canceled. Like, what? It was mind-boggling to me. Peter and I talked about it too, because the whole bachelor world was affected, deeply affected by that. So just like a really crazy story. And I had to do my due diligence. You know what I mean? I had to do my research and figure out how we got to this point. And that required me to watch all of the seasons. So I did. And well, you know, my opinion is completely irrelevant at this point, but I'm glad that the season did not happen. I don't feel like it needed to happen after what we know now. I'm now on to like summer house drama. I mean, this has been, no offense, but like great timing on all of the drama for my postpartum selfishness. You know what I'm saying? Fully caught up on Summerhouse, fully caught up on Beverly Hills. Also great right now. Just started watching Real Housewives of Rhode Island. Seems fun. Don't really know yet. The Summerhouse stuff, though. Oh my goodness. Did not see that coming. I don't think anyone did. But again, I can't even give my opinion on this stuff because I'm a little too behind on all of this coming in now. But all I'm gonna say is they're supposed to be filming the reunion for Summerhouse in two weeks. You guys get in there. We are ready to go. We're watching what happened a year ago right now. We are so behind. I mean, everything that's happening on the show that we're glued to all of a sudden because of recent news is so far gone. It was recorded last year, last May or June. I mean, it's completely irrelevant now. I think we're just getting into this episode where Sierra and Wes like rekindle their romance, like, ooh. I mean, things are changing daily in current life. So we need to just stop everything and immediately record that reunion. I don't know what the holdup is. I don't know why we're even waiting two, three weeks. Like, let's get into the studio. What are we doing? We have no time to waste. That's gonna be amazing television. I can't wait for that. But yeah, I'm fully just staying awake, listening to reality TV with one eye open while I'm nursing my child. And it's getting me through. I'll just say that. It's getting me through. Okay, there's so much I want to talk about, but I'm gonna save it for next episode. I'm gonna run through some of the questions that you guys sent in and keep this one quick. My baby is sleeping right now, so I just have one eye on her. And um, I'm hearing some rumblings. If you guys hear it in the background, I'm so sorry. But also, you're welcome because it's the cutest sounds in the world. Okay. Uh, someone asked me, how is your sleep schedule since having baby? Lord, I don't even know where to begin. Sleep schedule, schmeap schmedule. You know what I mean? I'm just sleeping when I can. I'm not a napper. I'm really bad at napping. So to answer your question, I'm sleeping in the middle of the night when she's sleeping, and that's pretty much it. So if I sound Looney Tunes, it's because I am. I'm definitely getting half the sleep I used to get. I hope you're asking about my sleep schedule and not the baby's sleep schedule. If you're asking about hers, I mean, she's three and a half weeks old, so I have not gone all crazy mom and started scheduling her life yet. I will, and I'm ready to do that. I bought mom's on call. I've heard of the other one. What's it called? Taking care of babies. I've done my research on both and I I actually love both. And I think I would do something sort of in the middle between the two, but we're just not there yet. I feel like until she's at least five, six weeks old, maybe even seven weeks old, I'll know when it's time to be like, okay, we can start scheduling your naps every day so I can schedule my life a little bit more. But yeah, as for now, Peter and I wake up every time she wakes up, and then I just take her into the nursery to nurse her. And um, I send Peter back to bed because I really feel like he does not need to be awake with me in those wee hours. There's nothing he can do. The hard part is that that whole routine of like picking the baby up, bringing her to the nursery, feeding her, changing her, swaddling her again, putting her back to sleep, nursing her again, whatever that looks like, that whole process takes anywhere from 45 minutes to sometimes. Sometimes when she's being really fussy, it'll take like two hours. So those are not the best days. The 45 minute days are definitely what I prefer, but I'm sleeping pretty much anytime in between that. The worst thing, and I know new moms know this, is when you put the baby down and you set your little timer because I'm using that, what's it called? Huckleberry. I'm using the Huckleberry app like it's my freaking job. Oh my gosh, it's my favorite thing. Every time she's sleeping, I put the timer on. Anytime I'm feeding, I put that timer on. Anytime she poop pee, put the timer on so I can keep track of all of it. But the worst thing in the world is when I put that timer on, I lay her down, and then what feels like 30 to 45 minutes later, even an hour later, I hear her start to wake up. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh my gosh, please. Like, please. The best thing is when they sleep for three plus hours. Am I always that lucky? Definitely not. So my sleep schedule is wonky. I'm I haven't slept more than three hours at a time since she was born. And I think that will just be my life now, and that's okay. You know what? Morning television trained me for this. I used to wake up at 3 a.m. every day to go to work. And that was my life. So getting up at 3 a.m. now, and then just like sitting comfortably in my robe and watching my baby, and then watching Real Housewives of whatever the hell in the background, it's freaking great. It's really great. And I actually love that time. Even though sometimes when she wakes up 45 minutes after I just did that, I'm a little annoyed. I still really, really look forward to that time when I'm nursing. I think that's something, there's something so just like delicate and beautiful about it. I can't really explain it. There's just something so sweet about that time. And I feel like it's just my time with her, and nobody can bother us. Nobody wants to bother us. And that's that. I do think as much as I miss sleep, because of course I miss sleeping seven or eight hours at a time, even five hours at a time would be great. I know that one day I'll miss that quiet time with her in the middle of the night. Okay, that was the longest answer ever. Holy smokes. Next one. Would love to hear your birth story first day and week home with baby. And okay, so there's, sorry, this question is longer. There's a lot of questions asking about the birth story in general. And I'm just, I already said this, but I'll answer that in the next episode. We'll get into the weeds of all of that. Next question: how is your mental health going in the first few weeks? Okay, so I kind of talked about this a little bit already, but my mental health has definitely improved. I would say those first few weeks are just a really wild time. Your body is a completely new experience. I don't think I ever really thought about how I would feel after the baby came physically. Like how I would feel physically. Because obviously you're not pregnant anymore, and that's a mind game, right? Like laying on your stomach. Hallelujah. So happy I could do that again. But then you're still not in your normal body. So you still don't feel like yourself. And then on top of that, you turn into a machine, like you're nursing. And if you're not nursing, you still are a machine because you have to stop everything you're doing to feed that baby every two, three hours, right? So I don't think that this changes if you're nursing or not nursing. Like I think every woman who is a new mom, period, is in it. Like you're in the weeds because no matter what, you're just giving your time and effort and energy to this child. And then sometimes if you're nursing, you're giving your body to this child. Like it's just a grind. One of my friends, Jocelyn, told me that breastfeeding is actually considered a full-time job. Like if you do the math, it's more than, you know, 40 plus hours a week. So it's more hours than a full-time job. So remind yourself of that. When you're stopping and calming your child, feeding your child, you know, spending those wake hours with your child, it's all a full-time job. It's crazy pants. So I would say that transition for me has been a mental game in itself because so many days, it's like the day ends, and I'm like, what did I do today? Like, what did I do? I have a to-do list in my head of outside things I need to do. Like, write some of my thank you notes. And I'm like, God, if I didn't get to that today, I feel really unaccomplished. And then like recording this podcast, hello, I've been trying to do this for a week now. So if I didn't do those practical things, I feel really unaccomplished. But then I look at my baby and I have to remind myself, I fed her, I kept her alive, I took care of her, I took care of me, I took care of my husband in the best way that I could. Like, if you are doing that, if you are like keeping your house functioning and running and still feeding yourself, then it's a good day. Like truly. Because there's sometimes where I'm like, oh my God, I haven't eaten in like however many hours and I need to eat a full meal. And I have to do that now because I have to feed her. Like it's just that is a bit of a mind game. You think that when pregnancy is done, that you're done sharing your body, like you can go back to some of your other ways. I don't know if that makes sense. But you can't. You're actually still fully in give mode. And that's just motherhood. That's just the rest of our lives now, you know? It's just an adjustment. And it's a great one. It's one that I've wanted to do for so long, but it's it's one of those things where when you're in it, you're like, oh, I didn't realize the day-to-day details of how this would affect me. Okay, another question. What sort of self-care have you gotten into in postpartum? Um God, like none. I don't, I don't think I've had any extra self-care. I will say I have prioritized taking a bath. Now, with that being said, I have wanted to take a bath for the past like five days and I haven't. I still showered. I'm not that disgusting. I just wanted to like sit in the bath uninterrupted bath time and just like lay there and read a book. I have not done that. My self care is really still focused around her and prioritizing that she's okay. And then I've actually still been lightly working. I've maintained like a few of my graphic design clients. And so getting time to do a little bit of catch up work. Oh, and going to the gym. So I started going back to the gym at the two-week mark, I think. And now sometimes like it's still cold here. So sometimes I go and I fully will just walk on the treadmill. And I do this when, you know, Peter and I can coordinate watching the baby. But and also I have to say, oh my God, my mom is here. My mom has been the biggest godsend. And my stepdad is here now currently. So the two of them here together has been so, so, so helpful. Having help is has been the greatest self-care, truly. Okay, I'm so sorry. My baby just woke up and I have no idea what I was talking about before. Oh, self-care being in the the form of family. I mean, that is a real thing. If you guys are, if you guys have family around, friends around who want to come help, who want to be around, like do not say no. It is so crucial. The fact that I can even just give the baby to my mom for 20 minutes while I go shower has been just divine. But yes, I have not really prioritized taking a bath, although it's something I think about truly every day. I want to do that every day. Oh yeah. And I talked about going to the gym. I had, I did start going back to the gym around week two, but in the lightest way. I shouldn't even call it going to the gym. I'm just doing like little weights and stretches, mobility, walking on the treadmill, and really just moving my body in a space where I can like put my headphones on and just sort of tune out again. I've said this before, but going to the gym for me has always been a mental thing. I've always needed that time to distract my brain and just move my body. It does wonders for my mental health for the rest of the day. So allowing myself to just go listen to music and move my body, even if it's just stretching on the turf, it has been really, really helpful. Okay, another question. What trash TV are you watching in between Andy feedings? I love this question so much. I'm actually not even watching TV between feedings. I'm watching TV during feedings. I don't know if any moms are like that. I thought I'd be watching so much television, but I really just want to stare at my baby. You know, she she doesn't even really fully see me yet, but I'm just staring back at her and smiling at her all the time. But yeah, I already told you guys the trash TV I'm watching. But if anyone has any recommendations for anything else that I should dive into in the wee hours of the morning when I am nursing Andy, please let me know. I would love any suggestions. Like I said, I finished Mormon Wives. I'm watching all the good bravo things that are out right now. I just watched the Lamar Odom documentary. That was a downer, let me tell you. Oh, that's one thing. And speaking of working on your mental health, I cannot watch anything where there is a tragedy. If if somebody dies and it's not even the main plot or the story, I don't care. I don't want to watch it. If if someone wants to watch a movie right now, I'm like, what is available on the Disney channel? I only want to watch happy go-lucky things. Even that, by the way, I can't even watch 90% of the Disney movies because they all revolve around like a death or something. I basically only want to watch happy go-lucky rom-coms where I don't have to worry about anything bad happening in my life. Another question was how is your teamwork right now in New Parenthood? So I'm assuming this is between me and Peter, and he has been so good with everything. Like, oh my gosh. Those moments after giving birth are so bizarre. Like there's so many people in the room, so many things are happening to your body. He was like totally on all of it because I'm just sort of in a bubble. Like I'm in la la land, and you know, your body just goes through this crazy thing. I'm not paying attention to half of what anyone's talking about. And he just jumped in and took over, which was so helpful. And then also helped me fully recover. Like there were moments where I needed him, and I still do, just physically to help with stuff. And he is totally on board for all of that. But it's funny, he already has his isms and his little perfections that work best with Andy that I don't have. Like people say something about what's the phrase? People say this phrase about how moms have an instinct and dads grow into their instinct or whatever. I actually, after experiencing it firsthand, I don't think that's true. I think that men also have an instinct. I'm sorry, my baby is making so many noises. Um, men also have an instinct that they follow. And there's certain ways that he holds her when she's being fussy where she totally just calms down. Whereas if I hold her that way, it doesn't work. So everyone just falls into their place and finds their rhythm. But in terms of us tackling it together, he's completely blown and out of the water in terms of just showing up in those moments, helping me when I'm having an episode myself, listening to me talk about all of the changes and differences that I'm experiencing. It's just like pumping me up, like making me feel more confident about what I'm doing too, is so important. So I'm so happy to have him in my life. I mean, everyone says who you marry matters in the moments with the newborn, and it is so true. It's so true. Okay, the last question here. What did you stop caring about since motherhood? I think this question is so funny. What a good question because it's just pointing to the fact that we all stop caring about certain things. And I think the most obvious one is like what I look like. Like, who cares? I mean, I'm not leaving the house nearly as much as I used to. Um, but still, even when I do, where we like do go to dinner or we do try to do something where I want to feel cute, I just don't care. And, you know, I'm still trying to do a little bit here and there, like trying to put on certain clothes or certain makeup and doing my hair the tiniest amount. But at the same time, I'm like, my existence right now is to support my child. So who cares what I look like? I didn't think I would be at that level of like obviously I want to take care of myself and I want to put makeup on and I want to feel pretty, because that's also a part of feeling like yourself again. But there's little things like I'll even see on the internet about like people talking about, you know, the best shoes for spring. And I'm like, I don't give a rip. I don't care about any of that. My shoes that I have will be just fine because all I need is what I have to support her, you know? And I don't need five new pairs of shoes to do that. Okay, well, thank you for listening to this super short episode. I'm so happy I could just come on and catch up and say hello. Um, and next week I'll be doing a full recap of birth story and get into all of the fun details with Peter. But um, I can't wait till then. Thank you guys so much for listening, and I hope everyone has a great week. I'll talk to you guys soon. Bye for now.